The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
