how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
