Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize