yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
