I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
