Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
