You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
