Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
