I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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