OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize