did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
