I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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