cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
