cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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