Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
