there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
