I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
