They should really pass out barf bags in church
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
