Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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