get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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