god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
