bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
