Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
