I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize