Small penises have feelings too.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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