Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize