Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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