I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
