Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
