In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
