She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
