oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
