I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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