This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
