OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
