you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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