i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize