And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
