There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
