There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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