grandma shit on top of the toilet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
True strength comes from lack of pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
