dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
