New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
