dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found puke in my bra..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
