What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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