I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
