and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
