I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
