i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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