He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize