Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
