Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
