Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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