I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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