Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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