At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
