Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
