Sober January is a disaster.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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