we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
