I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
