im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
