i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will be naked everywhere
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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