Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize