You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He passed out mid-signature
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
