blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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