ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize