going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
