She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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