I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they need to just BURY HIM!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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