dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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