Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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