I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize