just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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