I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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