I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
