all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
