I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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