Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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