don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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