I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
