i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
