Someone shit on the floor
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
