Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she peed on how many people?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
