I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize