I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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