So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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