Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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