margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
