BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
