all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize