what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
