Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
