your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
