i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize