he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
