I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it hurts more in the daytime
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
