You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
