The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
