someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
