I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize