checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
