anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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