so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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