I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so let's talk penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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