Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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