non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize