If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
