waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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