how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
