i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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